What The F*** Were Lewis & Clark Thinking?

What follows is a fictional account of the forgotten conversations between explorers Lewis & Clark, as imagined/rehearsed by Adeline (my all but silent traveling partner) and me.

Clark: deep breath Ahh! Glorious, isn't it Lewis?
Lewis: It sure is... I just wish that birds would stop flying into my hat and dying upon impact.
C: You know, Lewis, I imagine that once other folks settle here, they'll all be extremely nice and very slow.
L: Of course. They'll just be happy to see someone else's face!
C: Uh oh. I see a storm brewing on the horizon. Hold me, Lewis.
...days later...
C: Thank God that storm finally passed... I thought it would never end.
L: Yeah, it's a good thing we ran into that nice band from Brooklyn at that last rest stop.
C: Dude, they were total hipsters.
L: What? Okay, for one, what type of people do you think are going to be in the Pacific Northwest when we get there? And, for two, that chick was totally hot.
C: Whatever. I see mountains up ahead, let's head down to this valley so we can cross.
...hours later...
C: Shit! This isn't just a valley, it's a raging river! How are we going to cross now?
L: It's a shame these damned indians didn't think to install zip-lines. That would've been sweet... Stupid indians.
S: We--
L: You shut the fuck up, Sacagawea.

fin

Have to keep yourself entertained on the road somehow, right?